Imagine a worship service at your church during the festive month of December at the peak of the holiday season. But it is different from what you'd usually expect, in some very noticeable ways. Gone is the Christmas tree adorned with beautiful Chrismons. There is no advent wreath up front with candles lit. The organ isn't swelling with "Joy To The World" or "O Come All Ye Faithful," and there are no purple advent vestments draped over the pulpit and table. And the message the minister delivers does not elicit smiles of joy and good tidings.
Such is what has taken place at a number of churches in recent years, and it's called a "Blue Christmas service." It varies from place to place, but most contain a table up front with a single blue cloth and candles to commemorate those not there. The music is in minor key and invokes anything but celebration; and instead of smiles faces are adorned with tears of grief.
Sounds enticing, eh? Well, it just may be if you are one of the 45% of Americans who dread this time of year, according to this recent article in Psychology Today. Wow, 45 percent. That's a lot. The blog also goes on to mention that Christmas is when more people experience some form of depression, hospitals report the highest incidences of suicide and attempted suicide, and mental health professionals report the greatest increase in their services.
I've got to admit that, even as a pastor, I have a hard time recognizing the difficulty this season poses for some. For me personally, Christmas has always been a time of joy and celebration. I think the only real difficult Christmas I ever had was when I was eight years old and my mom's father - "Papa," we used to call him - had died a month or so before. I remember lying in bed on Christmas Eve, the room all lit up with Christmas lights, crying myself to sleep. I was fine the next morning, but at that moment I felt the loss of my grandfather most profoundly.
Lots of people are missing loved ones right now - family and friends who once were an important part of the Christmas celebration but are no longer here to celebrate with. There are folks out of work who are struggling with this time of year - and it's not just about buying presents for the kids. It has to do with the emphasis our culture places on a steady job as a determining factor of self-worth. How are you supposed to be thankful when you don't feel thankful? That's the question some folks are asking right now. And then there are those who can't pinpoint an exact reason for their "blahs" but feel them nonetheless - along with an inability to express them in a time when everyone is supposed to be decking the halls and singing songs of great joy and all that.
I don't know that we'll ever have a "Blue Christmas" service at the church I serve, but I like the concept. I like the legitimacy it gives people to make room for everyone at the proverbial Christmas table, recognizing that December can be a rough time for some, and that's it's okay to admit that. Because as any good counselor will tell you, the main thing that grieving people need from the rest of us is room to grieve and permission to do so - especially when there's a lot of self-imposed pressure to put on a "happy face" and suppress the way they really feel.
If I may bring Jesus into the matter (it is Christmas, after all), I'm struck by the fact that Jesus never put on pretenses himself, nor did he expect us to. Come to me, all who are weary and carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. That's pretty honest stuff. The Psalms are the collective voice of the people to their God; and it's not all praise and joy. For every Psalm 100 (Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth, worship the Lord with gladness....) there is Psalm 13 (How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long must I have sorrow in my heart all day long?...) There's a definite tradition in the faith of acknowledging not only the downside of life, but that downside in the context of the faith itself.
The greatest act of compassion that can be shared with those struggling with this season is validation of their angst; giving them room to feel the way they do, even if it goes against the happy face our culture forever drapes in December green and red. If we Christians preach the "realness" of God as found in a tiny baby boy born to a carpenter and his teenage girlfriend in first century Palestine, then the depths of our collective faith can get no more "real" when we accept people as they are in this season of celebration, even and especially when the celebration is muted.
Either way, we all continue to pray the Advent prayer, Come, Immanuel, Come. It's just that some of us know better how badly we need that to happen.
Thanks Steve for addressing this. For those who struggle with this season it can be incredibly different to hear only the message of Joy and not the "validation of their angst" as you eloquently put it. I hope it's OK, I am posting this on my Facebook to reach out to the mental health recovery community.
-bonnie
Posted by: Bonnie Neighbour | December 20, 2009 at 09:16 AM