The idea came after reading this blog post from friend and fellow Presbyterian Bruce Reyes-Chow. It was about a workshop he led on "the convergence between church, religion and social media." The title of his workshop was crafty: What Would Jesus Twitter? Designed to get you thinking, of course.
Which it did - but in a totally weird way. See, I've been grading college research papers for five days straight now; around 70 of them. I need a diversion, and I need it now. And that's how I can justify expending a few brain cells to ponder the totally off-the-wall and utterly pointless musing: What would've Jesus Twittered (or Facebooked), if he had the means?
I know what some of you are thinking, and I hope you're laughing with me instead of at me. If you've been reading this blog for any period of time you know of my affinity for all things Facebook and Twitter. In case you're part of the uninitiated, Twitter is something akin to texting a bunch of people at once. Think of it as Facebook with just the status update. In Twitter you have 140 characters (spaces included) to address the all-encompassing question: What are you doing? Those who are "following" you receive your "tweet" as an update (incidentally, you can follow me here).
So humor me as I have some fun with what Jesus may or may not have Twittered, in loose chronological order, during his lifetime. Some of these may be plain stupid. I hope a couple are not. And let me invite you to join in and add your own "Jesus tweet" in the comments section below - in 140 characters or less, of course. ;)
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Ditched the 'rents in Jerusalem today. They'll figure it out eventually. Burger joint's closed, but I think the temple has food.
Out here with cuz John. Not too keen on baptizing me. I'll try to convince him. Dove from heaven will help.
Desert is no picnic - literally. Haven't eaten in days. Even the rocks look tasty, but someone else already beat me to that idea.
I'm telling ya, it doesn't matter how old you are. Moms can't stop bragging on their kids. So now this wedding party is really rockin'
Hey Peter, we know you're a fisherman. When someone asks you to follow him, no need for the salty language. Little ears around.
Went back to old temple, read scripture, place went nuts. Some old guy told me I should've taken Preaching 101. umm, I'll look into it
Note to self: if you ever do this again, instruct disciples to always let crippled guy on mat in front door. Dude's roof is trashed
On a mountain. Okay, a hill. Lots of people. When I tell them that peacemakers are blessed, will they really get what I'm saying?
Pharisees were at it with me again. I know it's not their fault; they're doing what they think is right. Will need to dine with them soon.
@Nicodemus great talk last night. I could tell whole "born anew" thing went over your head. Let's talk again, but not so late.
Folks, you heard it here first: James and John's father Zebedee can grill a mean fish!
"Whoever is without sin, cast the first stone." Yeah, I came up with that on the spot. Well, we did. Will have to write that down.
Andrew snores like a three-humped camel with asthma. No offense to three-humped camels. Sleep evaded us all last night.
Yes, I have sisters and brothers. What's so weird about that?
Told a parable today. Everyone left talking about younger brother. Don't they know it's the older brother I want them to focus on?
I'm amazed how people fit me in their preconceived notions, rather than really listen to what I have to say. Gonna be harder than I thought
There was this guy today, and he was up in a tree. Nuff said.
Someone touched my cloak & I knew it. It was huge crowd, people pressing in. I asked disciples who it was. They looked at me like, really??
@richyoungman dude, where'd ya go? I wasn't done yet. Let's go get a latte or something. My treat.
Honestly, is there ANYTHING one can do on the Sabbath without getting into trouble? Would some just tell me that?
Ah, Peter - your "speaking-before-thinking" thing has finally paid off. You get who I am - great! Now don't tell anyone.
Second note to self: don't assume disciples will bring food for everyone. Does Al's Fish Shack deliver for 5000?
Bad storm + disciples on boat + me walking on water = some freaked-out disciples. They'll calm down. Someday.
Cruel irony: I'm talking with some kids & they get me. They really get me. Disciples, though, are telling them to stay away. Story of my life.
Told another parable today. God forbid if folks ever think a Good Samaritan is just a person who does something nice, lol
I'm on a colt and they have palm branches. Roman governor is entering on other side of city. Do these people know where all this is heading?
Lost my cool in temple today. I know they gotta sell their stuff, but they're cheating folks out of their money. So frustrating...
Zealots still think I'm one of them. Sheesh. What part of "Love your enemies" do you NOT understand??
Passover meal tonight is hardly joyful. There's a heavy weight in the air. Wait till I pull out bread and wine - that'll knock 'em for a loop
Yes, Peter, I do intend to wash your feet. Smelly as they are. Get used to it, and quick.
.....and Judas is gone. Down to 11.
Third (& probably last) note to self: make sure disciples get rest the night before. Very lonely in garden w/them asleep. Stomach is in knots
Wishing I had stuck with the carpentry gig right about now....
They're here and they've got big swords with them. My friends have all run away. I've been kissed. It begins.
Verdict is in. My time's up. I can hear the chains in the other room.
Looking down on them all. Every emotion possible on their faces. Agony on mine. They have no clue. They will soon. In a few days.
It makes sense that Mary was the first one, really. She didn't recognize me at first. Guess I can't blame her.
Met two guys on road to Emmaus. They were talking with me about me. They had no clue. Priceless.
Classic look on Thomas' face when I show him the scars. I get that look a lot these days, actually.
Peter liked the fish, but I think he liked my words even more. Now it begins anew for him. For all of us.
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POSTSCRIPT: Had a couple of people send me this link, which is essentially Exodus in Facebook form. Too funny. See, it's catching on!






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